Aftermath
by azure feathers
Summary: Miharu after Yoite is gone. Hinted MiharuxYoite


Aftermath

**A/N: Totally spoiler-y. Based on the anime, not the manga (since I hear the manga is totally different and I haven't read all of it yet). Miharu's life right after Yoite turns to dust.**

**Also, this is dedicated to my buddy Danielle. I hope she likes it :D**

...

"Where's Yoite?"

Things are hard after that. Eventually we decide we'll have some sort of funeral for him, and we bury a box with his clothes in it in Tobari's backyard. I make his favorite lemonade and pour it over the "grave". It's pretty pointless, but at least it's something.

Aizawa sleeps over at my house that night, even though we have school the next morning. Before he comes into my room I hide Yoite's hat in my pants drawer, which I'd stolen from the box before it was buried. We don't have much to talk about. I just sit on my bed, listless, and Aizawa gives me this inquisitive, sympathetic look that makes me want to hit him. My grandmother calls us down to dinner and we eat in silence; when she asks what troubles us, I say Yoite moved away. The lie tastes foul in my mouth.

She seems thoughtful for a moment, but she goes back to her food. So do I. After brushing my teeth, I go to sleep right away. I wish I could feel bad about boring Aizawa, but regret is taking up too much space in my heart.

I wake up the next morning with a headache unlike any other. My eyes focus long enough to see that Aizawa is already up, so I stumble out of bed and bump into my dresser. Somehow I manage to make it to the bathroom and fumble for the bottle of painkillers. I take two, closing my eyes and swallowing them without water. I contemplate tipping the whole bottle into my mouth, but think better of it and put the bottle back in the cabinet.

When I turn I'm startled to see Aizawa leaning in the doorframe, already dressed. He helps me back to my room and pulls out my school clothes for me, then leaves me alone to dress. My head is a little clearer now and I can stand up straight, or at least straight enough to struggle into the uniform. When I step out into the kitchen my grandmother's made tea, and I gulp down a still-steaming cup and burn my tongue. The tears it brings to my eyes wake up a little more.

School is uneventful. Raimei is as bouncy as ever, and even Gau is a bit more chipper than usual. I find myself feeling jealous that their lives are already normal again; why do I hurt so much? Why can't I just shut this feeling away like I have been mine entire life? Raimei throws an arm around my shoulders and hugs me to her. For once her words are kind and slow, trying to comfort me and rouse me from the special level of hell I seem to be stuck in. Gau turns pink when he sees Raimei so close to me. I think he likes her. I want to tell him that she's all his, but I can't find the words.

Weeks pass like this. Wake up, school, Tobari's house, home, sleep. Repeat. I feel more terrible than ever. By now people are starting to wonder. What happened to Miharu? Why is he always so down? It doesn't take them long to dismiss it as silly teenage drama, and Aizawa stops coming to keep me company at night. None of my friends will say it, but they think I'm being silly. Sometimes I want to shout at them for being so insensitive- don't they know I just lost _Yoite_, the other half of my soul? -and sometimes I want to apologize for being such a burden. I'm no fun anymore, not that I ever was in the first place. I'm just baggage. My friends feel obligated to take care of me, I know that, but I don't know why. I don't understand it and it makes me want to cry. Everything makes me want to cry now.

One night I am home alone and I remember the hat. I look through my closet and my drawers, and finally I see it hidden beneath my jeans. I take it out. It still smells like him; clean and fresh, reminding me of the color of his eyes. It even feels like him, like the boy who hugged me to his chest so many times before. The boy who I would have risked anything to protect, and did on several occasions. The boy who hadn't even wanted to exist.

I put it on and stare at myself for a while in the mirror, imagining I am him. For a minute it works, and I feel as if an incredible burden has been lifted from my chest. Then I am Miharu again and the feeling returns, making me fall to my knees and cry. But then I think of Yoite, how happy he was in his last days with us, and I think that maybe I can live on. Maybe I can let myself be happy again, if it's what Yoite would want. I get up and wipe the tears from my cheeks with determination. Turning, I walk to the window looking out on the road and promise Yoite and the wind that carried him away from me that I will be happy again. Even if it's because he wants me to be.

That night, I fall asleep with his hat clutched in my fingers.

...


End file.
